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October 03, 2005
from the vault
I don't know why I thought of this all of a sudden.
There was a girl named Kaitlin in my 10th grade English class who was obsessively fond of country music and horses. Cowgirl boots, long straw-blond hair, Lisa Frank folders, everything you would expect. I think she ended up going to Tennessee for college, and voluntarily at that.
Anyway, we were once assigned a "beliefs" project in which we were each to choose three controversial issues and argue one side or another in brief persuasive essays. (Two of mine argued for the legalization of euthanasia and against the existence of God, swiftly endearing me to my Mormon teacher.)
After the teacher explained the assignment to the class, Kaitlin raised her hand. Mrs. H. called on her.
"Um, can I write mine against drunk driving?" There were some titters.
"Kaitlin," expained the teacher, "it needs to be a controversial issue. No one is going to argue in favor of drunk driving."
"But I'm really against drunk driving," Kaitlin persisted. "Can I argue that drunk driving is not just bad but really really bad?"
I was sitting at her table, and felt kind of embarrassed on her behalf. The tittering was spreading.
Mrs. H. was losing her patience. "No," she said. "No, you can't. I don't think you understand the purpose of the assignment. You are supposed to use persuasive writing to persuade the reader to change her mind about a controversial issue. Tell me--whose mind would you be changing?"
Kaitlin was getting hysterical. "People drink and drive all the time!" she insisted.
"Yes, people do it," the teacher said, increasingly annoyed, "but they probably wouldn't argue that drunk driving is a good thing."
"But my belief is stronger than other people's beliefs!"
And then, carried away by an angry, impatient mob, she was killed. Alas.
The End.
Posted by onion slayer at October 3, 2005 10:47 AM