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September 20, 2005
a conversation
Onion Slayer (upon waking up): Yesterday was an unusually hot day, and I was uncomfortable wearing jeans and a shirt with sleeves. So today I will wear a tanktop and a skirt, and I will bring only my lightest sweater. I assume that today will be like yesterday, but I will open the window to check on the temperature.
Weather: Look at me. I reveal clear skies. And feel the air--I promise you it is temperate. Haven't your suspicions of a hot day on the Peninsula been practically verified?
Onion Slayer: I suppose so. I will wear these light summery garments, and run to catch public transportation. (Takes public transportation to Stanford.)
Weather: In order to irritate you, I will wait until you are stuck in the Peninsula with no way of getting a hold of warmer clothing. Then, I will send a group of grey clouds over you (out of nowhere!); the air will grow cold.
Onion Slayer: You fiend! I am cold and my office is quite thoroughly air-conditioned because today was supposed to be a hot day. Would you mind making things a bit warmer?
Weather: Yes, in fact. I much prefer to watch you complain over a dip in the mercury that would be laughably trivial if you weren't dressed for ninety-five-degree weather, you wretched San Diegan.
Onion Slayer: I hate you.
Weather: And I you. Here--take this: the first rain of the season! You didn't see that coming, did you?
Onion Slayer: Tomorrow I will wear all my warmest clothes.
Weather: Go ahead.
Onion Slayer: You have bested me once again, meteorological scum. But one day, I swear to you--there will be a reckoning.
Posted by onion slayer at September 20, 2005 04:45 PM